The Perfection Mandate

this is a post off of Jasmine Baucham's blog, www.joyfullyathome.blogspot.com. Enjoy!

The Perfection Mandate

When you were a little girl, maybe you were a bit like me, sitting in a circle of other young women, having been slightly brainwashed by the Disney fairy-tales you'd seen, discussing Prince Charming in all his stunning glory. Our point of reference for true romance was, for the most part, handsome Disney princes with perfect hair, spotless breeches, and melodious tenor voices. I liked The Beast.

When you are a teenager, perhaps that point of reference shifts from Snow White's nameless Prince to Elizabeth Bennett's haughty pursuer. Or maybe you prefer Captain Wentworth or Colonel Brandon. Perhaps you like Mr. Rochester or Heathcliff from the Bronte sisters' claims to fame, or Laurie, from "Little Women," or Mr. Brook. Personally, for me, it's always been Mr. Knightly.

And then, perhaps, you realize that most of these heroes were all spun by the imagination of a nineteenth century spinster, so you opt for a more spiritual approach and modify your standards. "Fine, Lord, I want a man totally committed to your will in His life, passionate about the gospel and cultural reformation... who just happens to look just like Matthew Macfadyen (or Colin Firth)."

Before we set our standards too high, though, we should think this thought: what ridiculously high expectations have the young men in our lives placed on the young women they someday hope to marry?

Many of us would be indignant if young men expected us to look like Anne Hathaway, to act like Anne Elliot, to have an accent like Kate Winslet, to be as tall as Cate Blanchet, and yet to be as spiritually mature as Sarah Edwards or as intelligent as Abigail Adams! Perhaps a bit of that cultural feminist entitlement would rear it's ugly head, "How dare they place such high expectations on us! We can't possibly be perfect!"

Right. And as overwhelming was for us when we were looking at those perfect Disney princes when we were younger, and swooning over British lit. characters when we were teens, we'd expect the men in our lives to disregard the high-gloss magazine covers that portray absolutely perfect women, the films they see with women oozing with charm, and the naive ideals they may have about how a woman should conduct herself.

That would be a double standard, but it's one we're battling with in our culture. Feminist, autonomous women want gallant, self-sacrificing men; selfish, feminized men want charming, submissive wives, but both sets refuse to look into the Bible for their personal standards, and both sets end up frustrated that they either can't seem to "find" anyone, or attract a counterpart that isn't at all what they'd imagined.

As charismatic as Mr. Knightly may be, I haven't seen him gallivanting around in the twenty-first century, nor should you expect to. As beautiful and multi-faceted as Elinor Dashwood may appear, I am not her, and neither are you. Who we are is children of a sovereign King Who has given us biblical standards for true femininity and masculinity, standards that supersede every romantic notion in our heads, and standards that will be a much stronger foundation for a God-honoring marriage.

I'm not advocating that we shouldn't have a standard; just that maybe we should modify it a bit. You know, a great book to read on the subject of true biblical manhood is called "What He Must Be if He Wants to Marry My Daughter..." I may have mentioned it before. :-) The book won't have a cutout with the tuxedo measurements, a resume, and an address for that "perfect" guy, but it will present a more realistic view of what to pray for in a husband, and what to strive for as a future wife. When we look to the Bible for standards for a spouse, our reaction shouldn't be to be nitpicky perfectionists, but to look at ourselves; if we want to be a suitable helpmeet for "What He Must Be," we have to find out "What She Must Be."

Candlelit dinners, moonlight serenades, and gallant proposals have their proper place, but, at this point in our lives, as we look to the future, that place shouldn't be at the forefront of our minds.

Though it may be difficult to give up our fairy-tale notions of what a real romance should look like, it may be a little bit easier to bear if 1) we realize that we would never want a man to hold us to the same superficial "lights, camera, action" standard that we're holding them to, and 2) the story and the man that God has for us is better than anything we could ever imagine. At least, that's what I've heard. :-)

written by Jasmine Baucham